Thembela Miranda Njenga
Two years ago, I found myself in a dilemma, with my job which offered me a bird’s eye view into the world, and security of income was coming to an end. As many would do, we did everything we could to ensure we hung tightly to our comforts and financial security which we were about to lose. I and some of my colleagues engaged in many conversations with the organisation to convince the leadership to rethink its strategy. All I can say is that our fight was in vain. We lost the battle. Who were we in the first place to think we could take on a giant organisation that would rather spend its resources on the biggest law firm in Africa than its employees that were about to lose their source of income? In case you were beginning to feel sorry for me and my colleagues, this article is not about my loss nor the organisation but my gain. The truth is that today I am grateful to have found myself in that kind of an uncomfortable environment at the time, even though I would not wish to repeat the experience. I believe, if it were not for the pressure, I would have acted like many, who allow the comfort of their jobs to seduce them to stay on in places where they know they are more than what they have become.
I say this because, at the time this organisational transformation took place, I was already in a state of restlessness and possibly had reached a crisis point in my life. To be honest, I could say this was my second visitation and a call to come home. The first call was made at the beginning of 2012 when I felt it was time to leave the organisation I so loved which I was leading at the time. Whilst this was not an easy decision, I believed in my heart that I had done my bit and that I had nothing else to offer to the organisation nor the people we served. The big problem was, where to? I can remember the kind of turmoil I went through as I furiously searched my heart about what else I could do with my life other than begging for money to do that which I believed in. I prayed, I read my Bible, I shared my struggles with whom so ever cared to listen. I even visited one of the great and well-known businesswomen in this country hoping that she could help steer my thoughts in the right direction. Of course, this was an impossible mission, as to how could someone who had just met me know what I should do with my life. I was looking for answers in the wrong places – the answer was not too far, it was there inside of me. I was just not patient enough to look hard in my heart. When I could not find the answers at the time, I gave up and I went on and looked for other jobs – still within the development sector.
I was lucky enough to get an invitation to participate in a strategic planning meeting of one of the international organisations that was operating in South Africa at the time which I later joined just three months down the line. I can remember the excitement and the assurance I had in my heart even before the interview that this was my job. It was not for long that my restlessness revisited me. One of the things that agitated the restlessness was the culture in the organisation which made me question a lot of things I had believed in. Despite the great opportunities, I was vulnerable and disillusioned and this was not getting any better. The once confident Thembela who was considerably well traveled and had even spoken on international platforms was losing confidence in herself. This was a crisis moment in my life. For once in my years of working, I could not control my fear of speaking in front of people. As the pressure in the organisation mounted, so was the clarity in my heart – that I did not belong here (even though I did not want to admit it to myself). At the time, my manager, whom I disagreed with many times suggested I went for coaching. Even though this was for a different reason, I can say today this was one of the greatest gifts any manager could ever give to her employees. I started the journey which lasted almost a year. To my surprise, what started as a personal journey to find myself led to the greatest discovery of all and a real surprise to me. I found myself and I heard the voice that was calling me home more clearly. I yielded. When there were other lucrative employment opportunities at my disposal, I dared to say no and say yes to my calling.
I am now learning how to navigate my life in a different environment, where there is no longer much travel throughout the world but a deeper and much demanding and yet satisfying inward journey. I no longer have the comfort of secure income with great perks. Every month has a new surprise for me. Whilst this is foreign and has a potential to be unsettling, I am at peace. Every day presents me a unique opportunity to reach out for the great treasure(s) lying deep inside of me, treasures I did not even know existed. I am learning in the true sense of the world, what it means to trust and know you are held and you are led. Whilst I have been a Christian for a long time and have learned about faith, I am learning what it means to walk by faith in a path the Creator has set apart and crafted for me.
